Help with my novel? (Sorry Kinda Long)=[?

You are creative and it sounds like you have a great plot started. I am willing to be introduced to their way of life. The wording of the laws seems informal. Sorta like a kid telling them than the way a law would be written. Try reading some laws or read the Constitution or the bill of rights this will give you a stencil to follow. You need to expand the settings and on different levels. Like the universe the planet the country the city the time the house the immediate surroundings of the character and story. Maybe have and idea of the conflict climax and resolution. Writing fiction for dummies is a great book and it's like 20 bucks.